My Last Adieu to the Shadows

It's been a while since I expressed my sentiments on an online platform. But I'm confident you will never read this. You've been too complacent anyway, so I know you won't bother perusing through old blogs.

Not anymore.

I've cried too much these past days. They say when love closes its doors, it will feel as if the whole world is about to crash. I can honestly say it does.

How does one get back up from a mountain of lies hidden behind sweet nothings? How do you rise above unmet expectations, false hopes, and basically, just someone claiming you mean the whole world while they saw other planets?

I once fell in love with you, Shadow. The mystery intrigued my innocent heart and looking back, I think you took advantage of it. But I didn't know better and because of you, I turned away from my First Love.

The days we spent were a mix of happiness and doubts. Believe me when I say I enjoyed your presence. It reached a point where not day can go by without a glimpse of you. I just had to see you. I just had to be with you. It just had to be with you. I loved every moment spent with you.

I thought I could change you, Shadow. I thought maybe I could turn you into Light because I saw so much potential. Others said you were a false pretense but I insisted, to the point I turned a deaf ear to those who cared. I believed too much in you. He can change, I said, I know he can. 

But I was wrong and they were right.

I never thought you'd do something like that. For a period of time, I thought you were different. Sure, you were somehow just like the other shadows, but you sort of showed me that you were lighter than the others. I used to think you wouldn't hurt me--but you did. Just like the rest of them.

You broke my heart. And I learned that I cannot trust you with it.

When I evaluate the entire thing, I realize that I loved you more than you did. You can't deny that. You know I did. But you chose to lie, to remain in your old ways. What did I expect, anyway? You were a Shadow. You have no capability of changing, not even for me.

My heart shattered and it's all because of you.

But you know what, Shadow? I learned a lot:

1) I thought I was never worthy of you. But I realize it's the exact opposite: YOU ARE NOT WORTHY OF MY HEART. My First Love crafted me from His own hands. I am His masterpiece and you failed to take care of me. I showed you how I could love, you failed to level up. Why was I the only one who fought for you when you should've been fighting for me?

2) You're not as good as you think. You are weak. There, I said it. Because you couldn't face the consequences of your action. You thought things would come by easy. No, they don't Shadow. If you really want something, as you said, you keep fighting for it. Apparently, I was never one of those things.

3) You have a lot of growing up to do. Age and intellect will get you nowhere if your heart is never in the right place. You'll keep on repeating the same mistake and before you know it, you'll face ghastly consequences if you're not careful.

Dear Shadow, forgiveness is divine and it's only by grace that I can forgive. But we can't go back to that mad love. You can try to change but for now, my First Love is my first priority.

This is goodbye.