O Kadiliman (A translation)

O Kadilimang aking pinagmulan

Labis kitang iniibig, higit sa lahat ng siklab ng apoy

Na bumabakod sa sanlibutan

Sapagkat ang apoy ang lumilikha

ng liwanag

At ni isa'y walang nakakalam sa iyo

Ngunit ang Kadilima'y humihigit sa lahat

Mga hugis, nagbabagang apoy, mga hayop

at ako

Ipunin sila'y sadyang kay dali!

Kapangyarihan at katauhan.

At maaring ang masugpong kapangyarihan

Ay lumalapit sa akin

Sa mga gabi, ako ay may tiwala.

Paper Airplanes

In order to create a paper airplane, one should do the following:

1. Choose the most suitable paper. It has to be the right one. You have to make sure of that, so as to avoid regret in the end. 

(Just like how I made sure you were right for me)

2. Don't use just any paper. If you want a suitable paper airplane, choose carefully. Make sure.

(Just like how I chose you among the rest)

3. Lay it down on a flat surface. Fold it on both sides and don't forget to create a small gap in the middle to give space for the tiny invisible pilot.

(Just like how I made a space for you in my heart)

4. Always remember that folding properly is essential in making a good paper airplane. Fold the edges diagonally. Do it neatly.

(Just like how I folded you in my arms during cold nights)

5. You can draw on the edges of the paper. Your decorations define the personality of your paper airplane. Mark it.

(Just like how I marked you with my kisses)

6. Sometimes, we have to cut certain edges of the paper in order to perfect the proportions of the plane. It's alright. Remember that it's for the beauty of the plane.

(Just like how I slowly cut myself away when I saw your unhappiness)

7. When all is done, gaze at your work for a moment before takeoff. Admire it. Hold it close.

(Just like how I gazed at you from afar, holding you close to my aching heart)

8. Now comes the time for you to let it fly. With one powerful swing, release your paper airplane and watch it soar freely in the sky.

(Just like how I let you go, setting you free with the hopes of you finding your joy)

Last Five Minutes (A Free-Verse)

(5:00 PM) Cold sweat broke

I cried out

Every inch of my skin

            screaming.

(5:02 PM) Devouring pain

Blood seared through my veins

Heart already syncopated

            Betraying me by the second

No longer felt

The needle

Infusing me with

Hope and memories.

My senses forsook me

One by one

Arms shaking without consent

            Losing  utmost control.

Dear God, not now! I cried.

Must it be now?

Must He remove me

            From this life?

(5:03PM) The light from above

Dimming

Only reminder of life

            Gone.

(5:04 PM) Suddenly, I missed

Someone’s scent

But

            Huff...huff...huff...

Then-

The final gasp!

Everything I was...

My love

My life

            My self...

           

D  e  t  a  c  h  e  d .

I was no more.

(5:05 PM).

Nang Pwersahan Kang Winalay sa Aking Punda

Tuluyang umagos ang luha mong mapula

Konseniya ko’y nanakit sa gunita

Nang pwersahan kang winalay sa aking punda

Sa maling akala, ikaw ang naging bunga

Wala sa balak, dapat kang mapuksa

Tuluyang umagos ang luha mong mapula

Ika’y nabuo, nagsimula ang abala

Kaya inisip kong talagang tama

Nang pwersahan kang winalay sa aking punda

Naging bingi sa iyong pagmamakaawa

Pinilit kang sa akin ay mawala

Tuluyang umagos ang luha mong mapula

Umikot, umiwas: lahat iyong nagawa

Nagpumiglas ngunit di ka makawala

Nang pwersahan kang winalay sa aking punda

Ngayong wala ka na, katawan ko’y lumaya

Ngunit hindi mabaklas sa gunita

Tuluyang umagos ang luha mong mapula

Nang pwersahan kang winalay sa aking punda

(c) Ashley Bernadette Petallano, 2012

image from Google. 

Touch Me Once Again

Touch me, once again. Just one more time.

I long for your slender tips, running through my hair as you whisper my name.

My skin shivers in delight as your fingers glide along its surface. Your tinkling laugh fills my ear.

I sigh.

Touch me once again. Just one more time.

Locks of your flaxen hair fall on your shoulders. How I wish to wrap my fingers in each soft curl. Your eyes locked with mine floods me with great comfort. I can stare at them forever.

Touch me once again. Just one more time.

Your lips move yet I do not hear your words.I feel your fingers strumming my hair as I lie on your lap. You try to hide it, but I see a tear glisten in your eye

Touch me once again. Just one more time.

You've been long gone yet now you're here. But I know, sooner or later, you will slowly fade once more...

Leaving me again in the cold, lonely darkness.

Taking away the warmth of sunshine you brought whenever we are together.

I strangle a cry as I watch you leave...

Touch me once again. Just for one last time.


(c) Ashley Bernadette Petallano 2012
image from Google. Edited at PicMonkey

Araw at Gabi

                    Simula na.                                                          Tapos na.

              Heto nanaman po kami                                          Sa wakas.        

                 Nagdadalawang-isip.                                       Nasasabik.

         Ano ang mangyayari?                                    Mangyari na kaya?

  Nabubuhayan na ang diwa.              Unti-unting nawawalay sa kamalayan

                   Pag-aasikaso                                                Pagpapahinga.

           Ingay na gumigising.                              Katahimikang nanlalambing

             Lakas na nanunumbalik                               Bumibigay na katawan

                    Ayoko pa.                                                    Gusto ko na.

               Pwedeng wag na?                                    Pwedeng ngayon na?

           Ako'y sinusundo na.                                    Ako'y sinusundo na.

          Sasama na ba?                                                      Sasama na.

                                                                                                                                                       

    Sana'y matapos na...                           Sana'y wag nang matapos...

Hands

Rough and covered in patches of red.  A big, worn-out looking pad...

I look at your hands.

Every now and then, you bite your nails. If not your nails, you suck your ring finger. Your hands- every bit of them never fails to meet your lips. Or so I noticed.

While you speak, my eyes wander to your hands. Your rough, spotted red, scaly and worn-out pair of hands. At first sight, one may be disgusted. But when I catch sight of them- I begin to think otherwise.

Whenever I see them, thoughts flood my mind. How do you write with them? How do you scratch? How do you caress the ones you love the most?

As they gently brush your arm, I imagine what it would be like...to hold them -even for a second. Would they be rough? Would they be soft?

Would they give me the warmth that has been elusive to me these past years?

I'm actually dying to know.

It seems odd that I'm fascinated with your hands. Out of all the sensible body parts, your rough hands intrigue me the most. But know this-

Seeing your rough, patched-red, scaly, worn out hands reinforces every aspect of YOU in my head.

They remind me of your ever-piercing eyes, your dark locks of hair, the edge of your voice, your infatuating reasons...

Your hands recall you.

Mental it may sound but it makes PERFECT SENSE. Your hands...rough, scaly, blushing red and worn-out hands, remind me of you-

Of how I crave to hold them and pull you into the everlasting...

(c) Ashley Petallano 2012

photo from Google Images.

Wonderland (A Haibun)

The heat pricked my skin as I stood at the beginning of a road crusted with dirt and dust. A stone marked with the words Pili Drive watched from a distance. The wind brushed my nape as I took a deep breath. Sudden questions hovered above, somehow causing my hesitation. 

To go or not? 

No one would know if I didn’t. Yet somehow, an unknown force beckoned me to come forward. The gravel of the road kissed my shoes as I dragged them slowly at first, till they eventually picked up the pace.

Leaves falling slowly

A light breeze comes out to play

Where shall it lead me?

The scent of fresh mown grass mixed with the smoke of the passing vehicles filled my nostrils as I walked. Sweat began to bead on my forehead as the sun glared menacingly yet I persisted. Halfway, the soreness in my feet tempted me to abandon my journey. 

Sayang naman, I thought, Nangangalahati na. That unknown driving force continued to push me, little by little.

The road stretched further. I saw less of infrastructures and more of exquisite sceneries. Mountains no longer peeked from behind buildings as I saw more of them; their gracious figures and luscious colors standing out. The leaves of the trees were delighted to see me; their leafy branches danced along with the wind that kissed me as I walked.

Golden fields of corn

Trees ever so majestic

My eyes craved for more

The absence of modern infrastructures introduced me to a sight so rare. Walking further away from my version of reality, I met a wonderland along the way. The pain from the journey was forgotten once I was greeted by stretches of green fields dotted with golden figures of corn and vibrant blossoms. The light breeze whispered gently in my ear; the birds singing their favoured songs. None of the usual grumblings of cars or the roars of machineries. I no longer heard the noise of the city, only the melodies of nature.

String quartet of birds

Symphony like none other

Resonating peace

Amazing. 

There I was, in the middle of a colourful masterpiece, the artwork of God Himself. My nostrils lusted for the fresh air mixed with the occasional scent of flowers. I longed to detach from my self and let loose on the soft looking grass...to frolic in the glorious fields and forget, even for just a while. All the constrictions and bindings have been left behind. I floated, realized where this journey lead me....

It brought me home.