The 20-year old Directioner

When you're 20 and people learn that you're a fan of One Direction, there's too much reaction:

"Did you run out of bands to choose?"

"Why not the Wanted? They seem more like adult music."

"Aren't you a bit old to be crushing on teenage heartthrobs?"

SRSLY, STAHP.

First of all, the lads are not just teenage heartthrobs. In fact, they're NOT teenagers anymore. They share the same age span with me, with my boy Zayn turning 22 last January 12 and the younger three being twenty just like me. If they weren't big hot shots and normal 20+ year old males, we'd be an eligible pair (keep the dream alive, Ashley!). And besides, people who have crushes on them are not limited to teenagers. Anyone can like them.

(P.S. I'm still sort of a teenager since the adolescent age spans from 12-21 so...)

Secondly, NO I did not run out of bands to choose. The first time I heard the opening beats of What Makes You Beautiful and One Thing, I was immediately hooked. Watching the music video didn't help either because I was introduced to the beautiful being that is Zayn Malik (belated happy birthday to the king!). 

And finally, since when did music have to be classified under childish or adult? I think we all have the right to choose the type of music we're most attuned to. Some people my age enjoy music by Beethoven or Mozart. Do we ask them: "Why them? Aren't those kind of super old school?" Let people live with the music they love. And for the record, if One Direction is childish music, then yes, I appreciate childish music.

Anyways...

I wouldn't consider myself a SUPER FAN of the group. I'm not the type that buys everything or anything attached to them. Also, I don't take not of every detail of their lives. Yeah, I know the basics especially when it comes to Zayn (Birthday: January 12, 1993, Fears: hates rollercoasters) but I don't know when he first discovered his talent, why he chose Perrie Edwards or the nitty gritty facts. I don't do second Twitter accounts that exist for the purpose of fangirling. 

However, I can't say that I'm the stagnant, no emotions fan. Come to think of it, I wouldn't consider that a fan because honestly, how can you not have emotions with One Direction?

When you're 20 and you love 1D, you sort of turn into an undercover/closeted fan. Even before I turned 20, I've been pretty much the closeted fan, choosing not to disclose much of my fangirling in any of my social media accounts (I do so sparingly). When I hear their songs and I'm in a public place, I bite my lip and just enjoy the wild party inside my chest. 

1D's mah jaaaaam

I only unleash my Directioner side if:

1) I'm in the presence of fellow Directioners or

2) the people around me are aware of my other self and are willing to tolerate my fangirling (meaning, they love me for who I am)

The On The Road Again 2015 tour is merely 2 months away and I'm already thinking of the scenarios I'll encounter (yes, I'm one watching). After watching their movie This Is Us, I can imagine what would probably go on at the Mall of Asia Concert Grounds on March 21 and 22.

The thing about being a Directioner is also sharing the fandom with millions of dedicated teenagers. Yes, I've been there, I was a giggly tween. I have loved them since I was eighteen (that song tho, that song). But as you grow older, you sort of develop this irrational irritation at people younger than you, especially when they squeal mindlessly or giggle or do anything remotely annoying in your opinion (No offense younger people, I still love you).

This afternoon, I visited the 1D World at SM Megamall to reward myself for pulling off my first job interview. On my way, I encountered groups of girls babbling endlessly, giggling and pinching each other. Here I was trying to keep my cool as I headed to my anticipated destination and there they were, loudly gushing about Harry's dimple and possibly buying all five standees the shop offers (BTW, each standee cost Php 3,000. Can you even?!).

Being the 20-year old Directioner meant that I had to keep all the fangirling subdued. While I was walking, I tried very hard not to show my excitement, very much unlike these girls. Man, the downs of growing a year older!

Once I was at the store, things got even crazier. There was plenty of photo opportunities, enough to satisfy a 1D fan's desire. Of course, being the subdued closeted fan, I had my photo op when there were less teenagers and when I figured no one was looking.

How I envy those fans who're not afraid to unleash their inner Directioner.

Me and the lads 

While browsing the store for merchandise that would miraculously fit my budget (everything in the shop is gold, GOLD I TELLYA!), these groups of teenagers were huddled around the small counter pointing at the 3K worth of standees. Not only were they huddled, they were SQUEALING. Yes, they were screaming at cardboard cut-offs.

With this scenario in mind, I thought: they're squealing at a store, what more at the concert?!

Better get my earplugs.

Every teenage fan girl: ERMEGEEEEESSSSHH

When you're a 20-year old Directioner, you can't squeal all of a sudden. Remember, people watch you. Even in the presence of friends, I try my very best to calm down when I can feel the fangirling attempting to begin because when I'm on a roll, I'm on a roll.

It brings so many questions on how I'd respond during the concert. I've watched countless reactions from the fans. It's a messy map of too much giggling, squealing, shouting and oh yes, CRYING. Endless, senseless, unbelievable CRYING.

Yes, tears will be shed when the One Direction lads come.

Initially, like any other 20-year old, I cringed. Why in the world would someone cry at a concert? Yes, the thrill and excitement would be enough to move me to mini screaming but crying? I laughed at the possibility of myself shedding tears when I finally see them on that fateful Sunday. 

But I dare not claim this fully. 

We don't know how everything will turn out when I finally see them. I will certainly scream but will I stoop down to the level of obsessed fans that cry at the sight of these five Brits? Will I remain heartless and cold or will I also break down?

We don't know. 

I hope not. Being a 20-year old Directioner calls for maturity, showing these young girls that yes, you do love them but they aren't worth your tears---

I think.

Do I cry or not? Cry or not?!

A 20-year old Directioner must be calm at most times, choosing only to disclose her inner fangirling at appropriate venues. Should she have difficulty in doing so, she should at least try to keep it moderate. If she fails, well, she has to keep in mind that she's 20 years old, going on 21 and adult fans must be subdued.

But you know what?

Despite my age, I will still support this band with all my heart (yet not to the limits of idolatry). Yes, there will be times when I'll have to watch myself and be reminded of the fact that I can't always be a silly, giggling teenage girl. I can't always be that girl but I didn't say NEVER. 

Sometimes, you just gotta unleash the fan girl in you. Let it all out in moderation but don't suppress. There's nothing wrong with showing appreciation. When you want the world to marvel at Harry's dimple, just leave a simple comment and let it be. Don't harass Harry with a million tweets about his dimple. Or when you feel like basking in the glory of Niall's wonderful golden locks, just bask.

It feels good to have inspirations, especially when you're thrown into work. Amidst the turmoil and busyness life has to offer for 20-year old (or older) fans like I, it's healthy to have something to look at when you need a break or a smile. Thank heavens for five cute Brits and their voices.

I am a 20-year old Directioner and I'm smashing it.