The 3 Guys You Love But Can Never Have

Dear Ashley,

Can you possibly write about loving or longing for someone (secretly and silently) whom you can never be with?

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Sometimes, you wish everything was simple. Easier, even. Boy meets girl; boy likes girl; girl likes boy back; boy and girl fall in love; and boy and girl live happily ever after. 

Unfortunately, this is real life.

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The first guy might have been the one you've known since forever. He's nice, friendly, and you love his presence. Being around him is easy as breathing--and that's because you're at ease with him. It's difficult not to smile when he cracks a joke or feel flattered when he pays a compliment. How can you when he makes it so hard?

You + him makes so much sense--if only he saw you more than just a friend.

Knowing how he sees you stings. While you see him in a different light, he looks at you and sees a friend or a sister. It's funny--you like him because he's such a good friend and here he is, liking you as 'just a friend.' 

The realization doesn't hurt as much as you think. Sometimes, you wish you can tell him but then you choose not to. Why ruin a good relationship?  Will it be worth it? So, you brush your feelings aside and enjoy the friendship that you have.

You know you can't have him because he doesn't see you that way, but it's okay. Honestly, it is.

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You meet the second guy and he fits the one in your dreams. He's unlike any other--charming and mysterious at the same time. The current proximity bring you closer and slowly, you find yourself drawn to him. On some occasions, you think he might be drawn to you, as well.

He's nice guy, you're a nice girl. When he laughs, the rest of the world follows the suit. His smile is enough to brighten up an unfortunate day. Being with him feels just right.

Except, you two are opposing poles--too different from one another. He says yes but you say no; he thinks this, you think otherwise. Everyday, you convince yourself that maybe both of you can work it out. But the future speaks volumes and sometime soon, good things will end. 

You can never have him because you're too different. It is painful but deep inside, you know it's for the best.

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The third one seems like the perfect fit. Unlike the first two, he holds more promises: he shares the same ideals and you're definitely not 'just a friend.' 

It's hard not to fall for him. He likes you and you like him as well. Apart from the similarities, he makes you smile without trying. In fact, he's the shoulder you'd want to cry on.  A future with him looks promising and you can't wait for it to come.

Except, will it ever come?

With him, you wish you can jump right in immediately. But the timing isn't right. You know that if you go into it now, things are bound to go crazy. He arrived too soon and probably at the wrong place.

Sometimes, you see yourself waiting for him. He might be waiting for you, as well. But there's this nagging feeling that the right time will never come. Because you know it yourself: he's not the one for you.

They say: "Chase your happiness! What have you got to lose?" You are tempted, but happiness is fleeting. If you act upon impulse, you will be delighted but sometime soon, you might regret. Because you didn't wait...you rushed into it.

You can't have him and the pain becomes less than tolerable.

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Lost loves are unbearable. At times, you regret letting them go. You wish you held on, said something, or at least expressed what you felt. Can you reverse time? 

As you hold your broken heart, thoughts haunt your mind. The idea of finding someone better seems like a joke. You will never see him--that one you want. You'll be alone and you might miss a lot. Hope continues to dwindle as the days go by.

But life is funny and so is God. When you least expect it, he finally arrives.

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The fourth appears out of nowhere. He might be someone you've known for long or a guy you just met. Initially, the idea of being with him might seem ridiculous or it makes sense, but you don't address it. You were too busy nursing wounds from a broken a heart.

But God prods through His Word and you find yourself face to face with the man made for you. There are uncertainties, yes, but the situation turns out positive for the both of you.

He is not perfect; in fact, he is less than perfect. He makes mistakes and he makes you cry. However, he is the one meant to hold your hand when you feel alone. His arms fit your shoulders perfectly and his eyes see no one else but you. He delights in your love for the One above and he shares your passion in serving Him. He is not after your beauty--he looks at the heart and prioritizes your worth above anything else.

The fourth arrives at the right place at the right time. With him, everything works according to plan. Sure, there are bumps along the way but eventually, you guys end up in each other's arms. It seems crazy but you know he's the one simply because he is. 

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The first three guys you loved were equally special in their own right. Each had his personal quirk, which is why you held him close to your heart. It's just that none of them were the ONE.

Someday, the fourth one will come. You just have to wait or maybe look around. He'll be there. Just you wait. :)

***image from Tumblr

Dear Self: You are NOT Pretty

Previously published by Thought Catalog at www.thoughtcatalog.com.

Sketch from Tumblr

Dear Self,

You are NOT pretty.

You might think you are but you're wrong. You see yourself in the mirror and consider yourself okay, but the unfortunate truth is: you will always fall short.

Do you have long legs meant for the runway? How about eyes capable of drowning a man's soul? Do your cheeks blush enough to capture smiles?

If no, then you certainly are not pretty.

It's hard to admit but you have a difficult time looking at other girls. With their red lipstick and seductive curls, your plain Jane doesn't stand a chance. Their appearances demand the respect and admiration from others, which you feel you can never do. Everyone loves them and sometimes, you notice how they bask in the attention of others.

Every day, you compare yourself to them. These girls can make heads turn and hearts fall for them. Tell me, when was the last time a guy looked you in the eye twice as long? Did anyone ever tell you how pretty you looked? And I'm not talking about your dad or your brother.

No? There you have it.

You try so hard to be like those girls. You put rouge on your cheeks and plump your lips. You style your hair in all sorts of ways: up, down, left, and right. You shun the idea of another bite; there's no point in gaining an extra pound.

Trying is all you ever did. You want others to notice you, to tell you that you are pretty indeed. You exert all of your efforts to be pretty. To be honest, it's very exhausting. But at the end of the day, you will never be like them.

Self, it's about time you face the facts: you are not one of those girls. You're not pretty. Why?

Because you are BEAUTIFUL. You might not believe it, but you are. Let me explain.

You're not pretty because you're more than that. You're a beautiful girl who fails to see the potential she's got. Maybe this happens because you keep subjecting yourself to the world's standard of beauty. In reality, the world's standard is too high and if you continuously compare yourself, you will never see the gorgeous woman inside.

Know this: you were made in the image of the One who created the heavens and the earth. Isn't that amazing? God created you in His very image. Don't take that literally (meaning, you look like a man). But His hands crafted your face and your body, therefore, you are an exquisite work of art.

In God's opinion, you are insanely gorgeous. Since He made the universe (and basically everything else), doesn't that matter more than human approval?

It's frustrating when others don't notice. I know, it hurts when people brush you off. Still,  their opinion does not determine your worth. Just because they think other girls are prettier than you, that doesn't mean you're less than beautiful.

Every girl is different and that's what makes you special. Sure, you've got dashes of zits  or you experience difficulty fitting in your pants, but that's what makes you who you are. Can you imagine if every girl looked the same? You wouldn't stand out--you're just like everyone else.

Still not convinced? Let me tell you a secret: a girl is beautiful when she knows it herself. No, I'm not talking about bragging her looks She is beautiful when she is confident in her own skin. A gorgeous woman also embraces her imperfections. Who cares if you've got small eyes or wide hips? These are proudly yours--own it!

When others see how much you love yourself, they will love you for you. No amount of make-up or skimpy dresses can compare to the natural beauty that lies inside. Appreciate what the good Lord gave you and it will radiate from within.

I know that after this you'll struggle believing in yourself. But I just want you to know that I believe in you. At times, you'll fall for the world's standards again; you'll be jealous of those girls once more. When you feel like it, just remember that you are different and so are they. You possess inner beauty that no one can take away from you.

So self, give yourself some credit. It doesn't hurt to put blush or lipstick, but relying on these too much is not the solution. You're not just pretty--you are a beautiful human being, inside and out. I hope you remember this every day because you are.

Trust me, you are. 

Yours truly,

Yourself

Wag Ma-Attach: Nakamamatay (ng Feelings)

Realtalk 2
*Usapang masinsinan tungkol sa iba't-ibang isyu sa buhay, pag-ibig at iba pa.
*Bago mo isipin na "Hay, eto nanaman po si teh, love life nanaman, basahin mo muna.
May love life yan pero meron ding ibang isyu. Wag kang mapanghusga. Pwe.
*Dedicated sa mga friends na ginusto maging anonymous kasi...well...trip.

Attachment--sa kontekstong ito, hindi ito yung Word File o image na ipapadala mo sa GMail o Yahoo! Mail. Hindi rin ito yung tape o kaya fastener na ginagamit mo para di maghiwalay yung mga papel mo para sa trabaho o eskwela (teka,  may gumagamit pa ba ng fastener?).*

Sa usapang natin ngayon, ang attachment na tinutukoy ko ay may kinalaman sa akin, sa iyo at mga tao sa ating paligid.

Attachment, Attachment...Sino Ka Ba?

Ayon sa Internet, ang attachment ay "...an affectional tie that one person or animal forms between himself and another specific one – a tie that binds them together in space and endures over time." Ito ay hindi lang kuneksyon sa pagitan ng dalawang tao; ito ay deep regard o loyalty sa isang kaibigan, kasintahan o kaya crush.

Kapag na-attach ka sa isang tao, gusto mo sila ang madalas mong kasama. Kapag nawala sila ng isang araw, isang linggo o kaya isang segundo, pakiramdam mo na parang may kulang. May nawawala.

Wala namang masama sa emotional attachment. Lahat naman tayo nakakaranas nito sa kapamilya, kapatid, kapuso, at kahit sa mga alagang hayop. Nagiging masama lang siya kapag apektado na niya ang buong pagkatao mo--

Kapag sobra kang na-attach.

Anong Kapalaran ng Taong Sobrang Attached?

Dalawa lang naman ang kapalaran ng tao: mabuti o masama.

Kapag na-attach ka sa isang tao (kaibigan man o crush mo) at gumana naman ayon sa gusto mo, congrats! Kung nasusuklian ang mga emosyon na inilantad mo, ika'y matuwa sapagkat ikaw ay pinagpala. Nag akyat na ba ng ligaw si kuyang matagal mo nang inaalay (o pinagpepray) kay Lord? Hallejuiah at tayo't mag-saya, teh!

Pero kung ikaw ay madalas ma-attach at masaktan, welcome to the Black Parade.

Sa konteksto ng pag-ibig, kung ikaw ay masyadong nadikit sa isang tao at di naman niya binalik ang pagmamahal mo--aray ko na lang 'beh. As always, ikaw ang sawi sa inyong one-sided love affair. Akala mo gagana sa kanya yung araw-araw mong pagdadala ng sopas, pero di naman pala. Hindi rin umepekto pala yung batting of the eyelashes o kaya yung pag flex ng muscles mo araw-araw.

Sa grupo ng mga kaibigan, kung masyado kang na-attach sa isa at nakahanap siya ng ibang best friend, masakit din. Akala mo ikaw ang sagot sa mga friendship needs niya, yun pala hindi. Nakakalungkot man isipin pero may ganoon talaga. Para sa iyo, ikaw yung ideal best friend niya, pero para sa kanya, friend ka lang talaga.

Minsan iisipin mo: "Ganon ba talaga ako kadaling ma-brush off? Yun lang ba ang halaga ko?" Malulungkot ka lang at baka umabot pa sa punto na hindi ka na naka-fetal position ka sa kama, umiiyak ng walang sawa (OA, pero why not?).

Bakit Dapat I-restrain ang Sarili?

Hindi ka nag-iisa sa iyong problema. Weakness ko rin yan; masyado ko kasi iniisip ang iba. Sa sobrang concerned ko, handa akong ibuhos lahat para sa isang tao nang hindi na naalala ang sarili. Martyr nga, kung tatawagin (Ew, parang soap opera lang).

Pero dapat lagi nating tandaan na hindi umiikot ang mundo natin sa mga kaibigan o sa ibang tao. Kumbaga, there is more to life than that. Minsan, sa sobrang attached mo, pakiramdam mo guguho na yung mundo mo kapag hindi na-meet ang expectations mo.

Hindi mo naman mapipigilan na hindi ka magustuhan ng tao o kaya di nila masuklian ang atensyon na ibinibigay mo. Aminin na natin, hindi naman nila kasalanan lahat. Oo, may mga nagawa sila na nakapagpaasa satin, pero tayo mismo ang namiling buhusan sila ng emosyon. Di naman natin kasi kailangan ubusin ang pagkatao natin sa kanila.

Kalma lang tayo. Wala namang masama sa pagiging mapagaruga, pero kung masyado kang nag-expect at nagbigay, malamang madidisappoint ka lang. Iisipin mo na wala ka sigurong kwenta, na sinayang lang ng tao na yon ang pagmamahal mo. Magiging bitter ka lang, maiinis ka at kung anu-ano pa iisipin ng utak mo.

Dapat Na Ba Tumigil sa Pagmamahal? (Naks)

Hindi ko sinasabi na dapat tumigil ka na sa pagiging concerned sa ibang tao. Sa katunayan, tinawag tayo ni Lord na magmahal sa mga tao, kaibigan man o kaaway. Ang sinasabi ko lang ay iwasan nating magmahal ng SOBRA SOBRA. Di ba, sabi nga naman, kahit anong kulang o sobra ay nakasasama sa atin.

Kung magbibigay ka ng ganoong kalaking concern sa isang tao, wag kang mag-expect na ibabalik niya yon. Sabi nga naman, unconditional love for friends or others does not wait for rewards. Wag umasa ng kapalit. Kung aasa ka, edi wag ka na lang masyadong magbigay ng pakialam. Kasi sa huli, ikaw rin ang masasaktan.

Sa usapang pagiging magkaibigan, kung hindi ikaw ang best friend material ng inaasahang best friend mo, let it go. Hindi mo hawak ang puso ng kaibigan mo. Pasalamat ka na lang na at least, friends pa din kayo. Blessing na dapat sa iyo yun tsaka isipin mo na lang, marami pang ibang kaibigan na nangangailangan ng pagmamahal mo.

Sa kaso ko, kay Lord na lang ako sobrang na-aattach. Sasabihin ng iba: "Yak! Ang korni! Ew! Kill, kill, kill!" pero sa akin, sa Kanya lang ako makakahanap ng forever. ;) Minsan, nakakalimutan ko na may limitasyon ang mga tao at nasasaktan ako. Kaya dun na lang ako sa hindi ako sa hindi nang-iiwan at never nang-iwan magpakailanman.

Pero di ibig sabihin non wala na akong pakialam. Mahal ko pa rin ang tao pero tinuturuan ko sarili ko na mag-chill. Hehe :)

Masarap ang magmahal ng mga tao pero laging tandaan, kahit ano mang sobra ay nakakasama para sa atin. Kung kaya't kalma lang, love in moderation at mahalin mo rin ang sarili mo. You deserve it, friend. Trust me ;)


*sabi ng kaopisina kong si Ate Jean, may gumagamit pa daw ng fastener. 
* Umaasa ka ba sa isang tao? Punta ka dito. Eh may napaasa ka ba nang di sinasadya? Basahin mo ang Modern Filipina article ko, humingi ng tawad at makonsensya ng todo.